Gravity

* I wrote this post a while back and never shared it.  I find it particularly poignant these last few weeks as everyone's normal has been upended.   

A while back #4 and I were riding in the car on a particularly windy day--40 mph windy.   We were driving along and hit a stretch of road where there were open fields the full force of the wind could be felt pressing on the car. At this point, a little voice piped up from the back seat, "Today, I am thankful for gravity."

What you realize is that when life is not normal,  is how often we take normal for granted, how we never even think about things (like gravity) that make it possible for us to function. For instance, some people stress eat, I, apparently, stress write.  I have found that I write best under duress or when something momentous is happening in my life-- and what this blog has made me truly realize is that most of the time, that is not the case, hence the lack of content. Most days, we all are just moving along holding ourselves together with the day in day out normalcy of our lives, a fact that I don't think we fully appreciate.

These last few months have been busy, #1 put a ring on it--an Aggie ring that is!  We flew to TX for a brief couple of days to be a part of the ceremony and to celebrate with him.  He is now in Germany for the Spring semester. *Update: he is now being sent home because of Covid-19

#2 spent the Fall coming back from school to get a series of steroid shots in his jaw to kill any remaining tumor cells that may have been missed by the surgery.  A visit to the oral surgeon last month was positive, things have been healing really well, it appears there is no tumor re-growth, but we will scan again in a few months to verify. *He is also at home because of his school canceling in-person classes. 

#3 has been participating in a clinical trial to hopefully prolong the "honeymoon phase" of her Type 1 (the phase where your body is still producing some insulin) that has involved numerous day trips to Detroit for copious blood draws.  She also just started her club volleyball season and we are learning how to balance out blood sugars when practicing 9 hours a week. *Her sports have been put on hold

#4 just keeps us on our toes as always, delivering occasional lectures as to how we can improve ourselves (organization, diet, exercise). You name it, she has an opinion. *Her world is relatively unchanged--she just to deal with her siblings more often :).

Life has gone back to normal, or at least our new normal. We were able to go on a family vacation in December (which found me weirdly tearing up on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride). In my opinion, if seeing an animatronic Johnny Depp is the only thing making me cry, it is a good day. Embrace the everyday, regular, uneventful routine of your life.

Today, I am thankful for gravity. *And even when life isn't normal, don't forget gravity is always there, we just need to be reminded sometimes. 

To be continued....

To be continued...Oh, how I hated those words when they would show up at the end of a tv show I was watching. Kids today will never understand the torture of waiting a week and hoping that you would be home to watch the conclusion of an episode of your favorite show, and the agony of missing it and not knowing what happened to Remington Steele (a young Pierce Brosnan people).

We all know that every good story has a hero, a conflict--something the hero has to overcome--and a resolution. And, quite frankly, that is how we (I) like our stories: wrapped up with a happy ending. 

This summer was filled with many ups and downs, and it felt like a lot of the time I was holding my breath to see what would happen next. August brought some happy resolution--tumor removed, jaw intact for #2. But also a period of waiting as he will have to be monitored for the next year and receive frequent steroid injections in his jaw to prevent a recurrence of the tumor.

For #3, her "to be continued" stretches out ad infinitum. Type 1 will be part of her story day in and day out for the rest of her life. As a mom, we want our kid's stories to be epic but also relatively safe and to always have a happy conclusion. Unfortunately, that is not the way life works.

To be sure, there is always hope and promise in these situations, but the challenge comes in living into the hope and not be exhausted by the lack of resolution. When I can stop and remember that my HOPE is greater than this world, I can deal with all of the "to be continued's" in my life. Only then can I exhale and remember that I am not the author of the stories for any of the #'s under my charge.

Until next time, praying for all your "to be continued's".

Plain Old Water

Water. Sometimes you get just what you need: a plain old glass of water, it meets your need and takes care of your thirst. This week was a plain old water kind of week.

We got the call that surgery will happen on Wednesday for #2, and we are praying for a lot of plain old water.
           
            Praying that only one tooth will have to be removed to clear the tumor.
            Praying that there will be no residual nerve damage.
            Praying that he will feel fairly good and ready to go by move-in day                          August 24.

Now about water, have I mentioned that I really don't like plain water?  I am more of a sparkling, flavored, Topo Chico kind of gal.  So plain water isn't my first choice, but that is my first world problem.

Speaking of first world problems, DH (dear husband) and #1 are in Honduras right now dealing with a third world problem: plain old water.

They will be joining a group of guys and IMPACT Water to bring fresh, clean, plain old water (along with Living Water) to a village in a remote part of Honduras. They will be assisting with installing a filtration and piping system to bring clean water into a village that has never known something we take for granted every day-- the ability to get water whenever you want it.

So, if you wouldn't mind, if you are praying for #2,  please also pray that DH and #1 will have a safe, healthy and rewarding time in Honduras.

OH, and just to stay with the theme, plain old water spilling out from the cabinet under your kitchen sink will make your day interesting.  The day DH landed in Tegucigalpa is the day my kitchen faucet decided to break.

Plain water, leaking water, Living Water: Stay thirsty my friends.

Just a spoonful of sugar.

There is one thing I want to clear up, I am not a lemon hater.  I actually really like all things lemon-- pie, bars, limoncello......but, we can all agree that it is the sugar involved in those items that makes everything taste so good.  Well my friends, we finally got a little bit of sugar at the end of last week.

On Friday we went to the oral surgeon's office (#2 was gone on a mission trip) to get the initial biopsy results, only to be met by our dear friend HIPAA.  Oh, the joys when your children turn 18 and in the eyes of the healthcare community are adults (that live under your roof, eat all your food and expect you to pay for their college).  But I digress-- after a few frantic phone calls we got a hold of him and he was able to give us permission to talk the surgeon.

I want to stop here and thank EVERYONE who has been praying for us the last few weeks (that seemed like months) for we know that God worked in this situation. Three weeks ago we were facing the somewhat grim prospect of #2 having to have his jaw resectioned--actually having to remove part of his mandible, accompanied by an immediate reconstruction most likely using bone from somewhere else in his body.  All signs pointed to this very scary diagnosis-Ondontgenic Myxoma.  Right?  I have never heard of it either.  The occurrence rate is .07% per million people.  Every oral surgeon who looked at the films, the oral pathologist that read the films--everything coming back was confirming this diagnosis, they were preparing us for the worst.  Everything was up in the air, where we would we have to go for the surgery? How long would the recovery take? How on earth will he be able to start college in the Fall?

And then, God. We are so happy to say that pathology came back instead as a Giant Cell Granuloma--still uncommon, less than 7% of all benign jaw lesions-- but at least there are surgeons in the area who have dealt with them before.   So what does this mean? Because it was caught before it became symptomatic and there was only minor intrusion into his mandible, it can be surgically excised without with having to remove the bone completely. He will have to have surgery to cut it out, he will lose some bone, he will lose a tooth or two (which will be fixed by implants down the road). BUT, his mandible will stay intact.

We are so thankful for this turn of events and thankful for all of you lifting us up in prayer. The timing is still being sorted out, it has to happen within the next few months, so we are deciding whether now or December would be the ideal time. We will keep you posted.

That little bit of sweetness has definitely made the medicine go down a bit easier.

So. Many. Lemons.

So, my last post revolved around child #3 and her new T1D diagnosis. Shortly after that we attended the funeral of a dear friend who died way too young, mourned with his grieving wife and children and were grateful for life even with all of its unexpected twists and turns.

Let me re-emphasize that statement: We are grateful. Rest assured, we are all ok and dealing.  If you know me fairly well, you know I am a fixer, whatever the problem is, we are going to deal with it.  (Not that I don't have occasional moments of "are you kidding me", but they are brief and then it is game on.) Everything we are dealing with has something that can be done for it.  Modern medicine rocks.

Enter Child #2: 18 years old, getting ready to head off to college and all the new challenges that await him. So many things to cross off the list before we send him off:  Attend orientation: check. Register for classes: check. Send in final transcripts: check. Buy things for dorm room: check.  Get wisdom teeth out: no check.

So, we sent #2 to get his teeth cleaned, and have an x-ray taken in prep for his wisdom teeth removal-a bonus, he only has 3, we can save a few bucks!

Cue melodramatic music:
But wait, what is that on his films??  There is something in his left mandible, why don't we get a better picture?  Let's schedule another scan.

OH, things don't look any better on that film, maybe a little worse.  We need to send this out to a specialized radiologist.

Results back in from radiologist, it is one of 4 things-- but we need a biopsy to confirm. (right now everything is pointing to benign, so there's that)

Biopsy done.

And now we wait.

SO. MANY. LEMONS.  Someone, please send me some sugar.

When Life Gives you....

Lemons....make lemonade.  Right.  But what if you can't use sugar?  You just have bitter lemon-flavored water. Sometimes life gives you bitter lemon flavored water and you have to drink it because you have no choice; you're dehydrated, in the desert and you are not going to make it otherwise.

Okay, that may seem a bit dramatic, but honestly, that is what my life has felt like this last month:  A steady stream of bitter, lemon-flavored water.

A few weeks ago we found out that our 14-year-old daughter  (#3) had Type 1 Diabetes. Lemons. Oh, yeah, this is our second kiddo diagnosed with Type 1. The first was our oldest son 4 years ago.  Lemons.

I remember that day with our son ( #1) 4 years ago in vivid detail.  I remembered how I sobbed while trying to tell him everything is going to be okay. I remember mourning for his childhood cut short, he was 16, and gone was the oblivious care-free life of a teenage boy, replaced by a carb-counting, finger-pricking, multiple daily shot giving life.

Four years later, that son is in college, doing well with his T1D, still feeling frustration with inconvenient highs and life interrupting lows.  Type 1 is expensive, aggravating and potentially life-threatening,  but we have got it down (pretty much).

Enter June 11:  The week prior, child #3 had been complaining about thirst.  By Sunday she said, "Mom, can you check my blood sugar, I think I have Diabetes."  Oh, my goodness child, you do not, 14 is such a dramatic age"  (is what I said in my head).  "We will get your brother to bring his glucometer to check sometime today"  (is what came out of my mouth).  But, here's the deal. It was child #2's graduation open house.   We had things to do, we were busy.  Oldest child is working at an overnight camp for the summer nearby so when he showed up for the party, I asked to him to check his sister, but he hadn't brought it with him.  No worries, I told him, no big deal.

The next day off to Child #2's college orientation for two days.  On that Tuesday when we returned, I looked at #3, really looked at her, and said let's go check your number.  We texted #1, headed down the street to the camp where he met us in the parking lot.  She handed over her finger to her brother
and I thought "Ok, now we can be done with this silly notion"  At which point I looked down at his meter which had just read HIGH.  Her brother demanded her other hand, poked her again, second reading: HIGH.

Skip ahead, skip ahead....Thanks pedi ER docs for confirming what we already knew:  Type 1, off to the endocrinologist for all the stuff that makes up her new lifestyle: Insulin pens, needles, lancets, test strips, blood sugar logs...

Oh, one brag on myself, I skipped the sobbing in front of my daughter part this time, I just did my crying in private.  I told #1 about how at least I was a more supportive mom who held it together this time and he told me "Good job Mom"  (you have to celebrate the little wins sometimes)

Update:  We are now 4 weeks out from diagnosis, and she is doing great.  A lot of adjustments and more struggles to face I am sure, but at the moment we are hanging in.